“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23)

Confession time: I’ve often struggled with what’s known in many Christian circles as “assurance.” Having been raised in a Christian home, regularly attending church and frequenting Bible studies, church camps, and fellowship dinners, Christianity is built into my cultural upbringing. But all the while, a question has been plaguing my mind: Am I secretly faking it?

What if I just think I’m following God but I’m really just doing what’s expected of me by my family and circle of acquaintances? How do I know if I’m really born again?

A lot of the discussions I’ve had on the subject with more mature Christians have focused on looking at “fruits.” If you really believe, you will do this, this, and this. They frequently pointed me to 1st John: “We know that we have come to know him if we keep his commands” (1 John 2:3). We often turn to the fruits of the Spirit to see how a believer should behave.

But hold on there…didn’t Jesus free us from the law? Isn’t it legalism to assume following a set of rules means we’re going to heaven? The answer to this usually is something like “well a Christian just naturally wants to do this and doesn’t have to think about it.”

So here’s my research question for this blog post: Do the fruits of the Spirit grow in the believer naturally or are they something we have to cultivate? They are the things we tend to look for when we’re determining whether or not someone has genuine faith, and even how we’re taught to judge our own faith. So, are these unconscious things a believer just does naturally? Or are they something we need to actively choose?

The answer seems to be… probably both. As we grow as believers in Christ and become more Christlike, our desires and attitudes will be gradually shaped by the Spirit and by what we’re learning from God’s Word. But none of us are perfect, we need to actively practice every habit before it becomes natural.

I find it helpful to look at the context of the Fruit of the Spirit in Galatians. Immediately after listing the fruits, Paul says “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit” (Galatians 5:24-25). Paul is pointing out the contrast between life “in the flesh” and life by the Spirit. The Galatian church was encountering teachers saying that Christians needed to be circumcised in order to be one of God’s people. Paul’s point was that our relationship with God is no longer marked by such outward signals. Rather, the mark of being a Christ follower is to walk by the Spirit. That means we consistently (not perfectly, though, obviously) choose to behave in ways that could be described by the fruits of the Spirit rather than the acts of the flesh given in verses 19-21.

I think we can never truly judge whether another person is “saved” or not because only God knows the heart. However, especially when evaluating preachers and teachers, we sometimes need to look at the actions of a person to see if they are trying to live in a way consistent with Jesus’ teachings: “By their fruit you will recognize them” (Matthew 7:16).

However, there’s another side to this. If following God’s commandments perfectly all the time determined whether or not we belonged to Christ, we’d all be doomed, and that is, in fact, why Jesus came down here and died in the first place.

The mark of a Christian is knowing that we’re sinners, trusting Jesus to redeem us with His own sacrifice, and wanting to change to be more like Him. If there’s a checklist of requirements at heaven’s gate, I think those are it. Of course, those beliefs will spread to affect our behavior. If they don’t, ever, there may be a problem. But there’s no laundry list of rules to follow, desperately trying to be “good enough” to prove we’re “in.”

I’ll admit, I still have doubts about myself once in a while. Sometimes I still feel like I’m faking it. But if I could give a take-home message to myself and anyone else who feels like I do, I’d say this: Are you willing to declare “Jesus is Lord”? Do you believe God raised Him from the dead? If you said yes to both, you’re a Christian (Romans 10:9). Now what? “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23). Do you want to live like that? The Spirit will help you. There’s no need to worry so much. Don’t let feeling like an imposter suck the joy out of learning to live like Christ.

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Author Hannah Rau is a Michigan-based writer and writing tutor. Hannah earned degrees in English and rhetoric and minored in Bible. She enjoys exploring literature, media, and culture through the lens of her Christian faith. And drinking coffee. Lots of coffee.