When I was little, I collected “treasures”: cool rocks, coins, neat boxes, acorns, bouncy balls, etc. These items usually ended up on a shelf in my room or a box in the closet. Every once in a while, I’d take everything out and decide what to keep. Over the years, I’ve also collected a set of beliefs, principles, and ideals that help guide my life. Sources vary: parents, teachers, pastors, Bible studies, books, sermons, my own experiences, and so on. I imagine there’s a shelf in the back of my mind where I keep all these beliefs. And I imagine there’s a similar shelf in the back of everybody’s mind stacked with a similar but distinct assortment of ideas. I think there comes at least one time in everyone’s life when we have to clean off the shelf. To me, this is what it feels like to question certain parts of my Christian faith.
In my personal experience, honestly confronting serious questions can lead to taking a much deeper look at our belief system as a whole. Some things on the shelf are priceless heirlooms that should be safeguarded and passed down to future generations, while others are useful but not particularly valuable. Other things, however, are worthless, like candy wrappers or old takeout menus, or even toxic, like mercury or rotten birds eggs. When we realize that some things we once considered precious are worthless or harmful, we may start to wonder how many of the opinions and convictions accumulated over the years are actually worth keeping. So we grab a cleaning cloth and start taking everything off the shelf. As we carefully examine each belief and idea, some things get dusted and put back on the shelf. Others get tossed out. We might reorganize some things according to their importance or even rediscover some valuable stuff we forgot about. The end result is usually a more confident and well-thought-out set of beliefs, but the process is scary. Some things we don’t dare touch at all. Maybe we’re not sure how to tell which things are valuable. Maybe we’re afraid we’ll offend a loved one or lose something irreplaceable.
Different circumstances can trigger doubt and questions. For example, a tragic event or struggles in life can cause someone to question what they believe about God. Or, the battle may be more intellectual. Encountering new philosophies or belief systems can challenge the status quo of what we’ve always believed. I’d say this isn’t a bad thing most of the time—it’s part of growing as a person and a Christian. We need to ask questions and honestly evaluate our beliefs, and we need a safe environment to do so.
Some people hesitate to ask serious questions or admit that they’re struggling with some beliefs because they sense that other Christians will react negatively. Within the church, we tend to view doubt as a sin or even proof that someone isn’t a Christian. Many people will stay quiet about their doubts because they value being part of the church community and feel like they’ll lose that community if they ask the wrong questions. This doesn’t make the questions go away; it just makes them gnaw at the person longer until they can’t ignore them. We need to create an environment in our churches where questions are welcome and doubting Christians are comfortable talking about their struggles with people in the church rather than going somewhere else for answers.
Maybe you know someone in your church who is currently questioning an aspect of their faith. As someone who has and is going through this process, here are seven ways I think you can support that person.
Don’t confuse doubt with disbelief.
Doubt and questioning are not necessarily an attack on or a rejection of beliefs. Disbelief is an attitude that says, “I refuse to believe this is true!” But doubt says, “right now, I’m not sure if this is true,” or “I don’t see how this can be true.”
Avoid ultimatums.
Statements like “if you don’t believe xyz, then you may as well not be a Christian” tend to drive people away. In our faith, there are critical, core issues (such as the existence of God), and there are non-critical matters of interpretation, conscience, or preference (such as whether or not to get tattoos). In non-critical issues, there’s room for disagreement within the faith. You can help the person separate these issues without making it an all-or-nothing situation.
Tell them what you think, not what to think.
If they’re talking to you about it, they probably value your opinion and experience. So, do explain what you believe and what led you there. However, they need to go through the process of making their faith personal.
Ask if they want resources or more information.
Don’t overwhelm them with books and articles they haven’t asked for, but they may appreciate some information from different perspectives if you offer.
Acknowledge that some things about our faith are difficult to understand.
Even just having someone admit that they’ve also struggled with some beliefs can make the person feel less alone.
Let them know you’ll still love them even if they come to a different conclusion than you.
When they come to church, they may already feel like an enemy or imposter because they have doubts. But you can help make the church a welcoming place for people with questions.
Be patient; this process can take some time.
Too often, we want to rush to “fixing” people or helping them “get over” their doubt, when sometimes we need to learn from the process and discover how to trust God even when we’re not sure about everything.
Honest questioning can lead to deeper, more confident faith. Once we’ve cleaned off the shelf, we know everything on it is useful and valuable to us, we know which things are priceless and which we can set aside later if we need to, and we’ve cleared some of the clutter hiding what was really important. There are still mysteries we have to choose to accept on faith, but searching for answers to difficult questions often helps bring us closer to God, not farther away. If you know someone who is currently questioning aspects of their faith, they may need your encouragement and help as they make their faith personal.
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